Is ngmoco:) getting kickbacks for a movie tie-in?

I usually wait to see Marvel Comic movies until the adults have had a chance to review them, the success of Spider and Iron Man notwithstanding. But this is what I have been told is the basic story line.

Donald Blake, medical doctor and unsuspecting comic book character, is exploring in the Nevada desert. He comes across a military encampment that looks strangely like the one at the end of Iron Man II. Because in fictional realities (an oxymoron if I ever heard one) everyday people can singlehandedly outwit dozens of trained military and intelligence professionals at once—with a minimum of personal training, a few personal skills they have picked up in the back story, and a lot of pluck—Blake is able to unintentionally elude every guard.

Unintentionally, mind you, because there is no way Donald Blake can know what’s waiting for him when he stumbles across the super secret hammer uncovered by the excavation. Once he stumbles across it, however, he cannot help but pick it up to see what he has found and suddenly….

A bolt of lightning strikes him. He feels his muscles rippling with power and his chest expanding by at least twelve inches. His abs, already rock hard because he is in good health and perfectly fit, ripple from a six pack to a twelve-pack of rock hard steel. His denim shirt and jeans shimmer and transform into a costume of steel and elastic, mostly black but with an ultra-titanium breastplate decorated with six additional embedded plates that feel as light as a feather. A red robe spreads from his shoulders like an angels wings.

He is no longer in Nevada, he’s in…

Where the hell is he? He realizes he is wandering in the shadow of a black mountain forge with a golden anvil, surrounded on each side by two orange Valhallas floating in the clouds. They seem like they must fall from the sky, as would the Greek temples floating in the skies nearby.

“Great,” says the bearded man in the toga standing next to him. “First Cleopatra, now you guys. We were promised a monopoly on the God thing.”

“Who the hell are you,” Blake says, “Socrates? Plato?”

The bearded man stamps the ground with his foot, startling the black dragon above him so much he nearly collides with a wyvern.

“I told the game designers I don’t look Godly enough. I’m Zeus, the head honcho. The God of all Gods.”

“I thought that was Odin,” says Blake, suddenly wondering how he knew that since he previously had had no knowledge of Norse mythology.

A jester bumps into him and cackles. “If you’re the God of all Gods, how come he’s taller?”

The jester dances off toward the off-angled castle at the center of the kingdom. Protestors surround it shouting, “We want the dark one back.”

He can hear the jester’s voice laughing over the crowd. “Doesn’t stop the dragons from shitting on you, or the demons from pissing. And no Greek nymphs to scrub it off.”

Zeus blushes. “You won’t get used to it.”

A door bursts open in the left Valhalla and Freya emerges, spreading her arms and floating slowly to the ground. “Welcome to We Rule, Thor,” she says. “The social network game for puerile teens and failed writers hoping to boost their careers with a crappy blog.”

“My name’s Blake,” he tells her, “Donald Blake.”

“You can forget that from here on out,” she says. “It’s Thor.” She sweeps her hand across the horizon. “Take a good look. It will all be gone in four to six weeks and replaced with something new. I’m surprised this geezer is still hanging on.” She points to Zeus. “He used to have the best payout of any building and cost a whopping 35 mojo. Now he can’t even make it into the top ten.”

Zeus flashes his middle finger, which emerges from his hand like a bolt of lightning. It is a bolt of lighting. But it fizzles out and sizzles in the large snow patch at Freya’s feet.

“See what I mean?” she says. “Enjoy it while you can. We’ll probably have been replaced with King Kong’s mountain sometime in August.”

“I’m in a game?” Blake shouts. “A game? I was supposed to be in a blockbuster summer movie.”

She raises her nostril in contmept. “That was Chris Hemsworth, and, trust me, you’re no Chris Hemsworth. I have his posters plastered all over the walls of my apartment in Valhalla.”

“But it’s a game. A role playing game,” he protests.

“A social network game,” she reminds him. “There’s a difference. And it could have been worse. You could have been in the movie Almighty Thor with Richard Greco. It played on the SyFy channel the weekend of the film opening.”

“I beg your pardon?”

“It was so bad, they used Patricia Velasquez as the Norse warrior goddess. Imagine that, an actress who can barely speak English playing a Norse goddess with a Spanish accent. She was hot, though. If I leaned that way, I would have her poster all over my apartment at Valhalla. But really? The bit where they teleport into New York? I had to stop the TIVO right there.”

“I’m in hell,” Blake/Thor says. “I’m in hell.”

“No,” Freya says, “That’s another novel. With  sample chapters starting this week in the Pages section. It’s been six months since it was first promised, but six months in the real world is like a week in hell.”

The jester returns, dancing around her and laughing. “That’s his excuse? And I thought I was the jester.”

The movie Thor versus the new Thor in We Rule. Notice the difference anybody?

Thor photo by Mark Fellman.

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20 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. rob88249
    May 09, 2011 @ 14:10:32

    Great blog again total thinker 🙂

    I wanted to report after a few weeks away for work playing the game on the small iPhone screen how great it is to be home and back on the iPad.

    The game has been faultless. Latest update seems to have fixed everything for me the game hasn’t yet crashed and is a lot quicker. Not only that graphics are back to what they used to be and the game looks great again.

    I know this should be expected but it’s great to have the werule I first fell in love with back and it’s once again a pleasure to play the game again 🙂

    On another note I was surprised at the two high end buildings this week. The % of game players that can buy these shops would be very low. Just goes to show the big players are the ones spending the money and are going to be looked after. You don’t see many low end buildings anymore they are stuck with the crappy mines and tailor shops lol

    Reply

  2. chezmah
    May 09, 2011 @ 16:46:32

    so there is hope ?
    mine is still crashing and the availability bubbles keep disappearing !
    and yup i have installed the latest version !col

    Reply

    • Keefyisme
      May 12, 2011 @ 20:26:47

      I find the bubbles disappear when I stack. Pain in the proverbial donkey. Logging out and back brings them back. Anybody else get the same

      Reply

      • Pjsplantation/V3gasvamp1
        May 13, 2011 @ 04:14:19

        Mines the same so I try to do all stacking at one time. Logging in and out is definitely pain…

  3. confuzed1
    May 10, 2011 @ 02:11:52

    Funny article. 🙂

    The Norse theme was a result of this thread at Mojo Farm:

    http://www.serifwebresources.com/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=4310&forumid=339260

    Reply

  4. Jiji808
    May 10, 2011 @ 05:53:16

    See, ur not a failed writer TT. That was awesome!

    Reply

  5. rob88249
    May 10, 2011 @ 11:41:04

    My fingers and toes will stay crossed Chezmah haha

    On another note is it worth spending 10mojo on the magic farms or will they go on sale for 5mojo again? I find it annoying how prices can fluctuate you feel like you get ripped off. Like how I bought 7 troll bridges at 70k only for them to drop to 20k a week later!!!

    Reply

    • pjsplantation/v3gasvamp1
      May 10, 2011 @ 18:59:24

      bought my magic farms for 5 mojo then went the next am and they were 10..yikes..I have figured tho that my mojo is free when its actually given when I download a game..a lot of times it doesnt work…so theres really nothing else to spend it on..plus the only thing I harvest is califlower at night and broccoli in the day… .

      Reply

      • Pjsplantation/V3gasvamp1
        May 13, 2011 @ 04:15:37

        Wouldn’t u know boom magic farms on sale for 5 mojo..hope u waited 🙂

    • Totalthinker
      May 11, 2011 @ 00:53:17

      I would wait, unless you really want to level up and you can get the cauliflower at a lower level. Since I’m L60 I don’t get to see what level magic crops become available at, and I checked to mojo farm and he isn’t tracking them either.

      For higher level players there are better crops that aren’t magic.

      Reply

  6. blueMINIs
    May 11, 2011 @ 04:55:46

    Hey! Is it just me, or is the only way to get the new dwarven mine is with mojo? 45?!?! I have a nice little pile of coins, and I was looking forward to buying a new shop. I’m so disappointed.

    Reply

  7. Superknight98
    May 15, 2011 @ 17:08:39

    I noticed but thought they would update the store later. Apparently I was wrong. BTY, can you guys order at my kingdom? I went to India to visit my family and COVERED my kingdom with gone fishing signs. When I log back in after a week, I have lost basically all my customers, so can you please order.

    Reply

    • pjsplantation/v3gasvamp1
      May 17, 2011 @ 20:48:12

      no prob your on my social list..will ck in to see you…order bak tho from pjsplantation… the other two are basically ordering realms..look for the “welcome to Vegas sign” welcome bak

      Reply

    • chezmah
      May 18, 2011 @ 08:33:16

      will order from you !!!

      Reply

      • pjsplantation/v3gasvamp1
        May 18, 2011 @ 18:00:28

        chez your always closed and i check about 3 x a day with all 3 realms..appreciate the orders and am trying to order back… hope all is well 🙂

  8. Superknight98
    May 15, 2011 @ 17:19:57

    If I got the 800 mojo pack and I want to spend it all, should I spend on sapphire groves?

    Reply

  9. chezmah
    May 20, 2011 @ 08:39:48

    pj,
    not 2 worry !!!! no prob !!!! i know its hard to order from me. do if you can, but dont worry if you cant. i’ll keep ordering from you with pleasure !!!!
    i order out alot before going to bed and sleep tight knowing that all’s well in my little kingdom, no idle buildings waiting for orders. not in any particular hurry to reach any particular level…. and have devised a system that is pretty optmal for constant earning !
    what do you think of the latest changes from ngmoco ? ie quests are now a goal system ….. with rewards ????

    Reply

    • Pjsplantation/V3gasvamp1
      May 21, 2011 @ 15:22:40

      Hey chez.
      I think the quests are fine if your starting out. I really don’t need to buy another mine lol. I do love the pirate theme tho. I’ll keep checking in.

      Reply

  10. Galendulac
    May 21, 2011 @ 05:08:21

    Leaving off the avaristic mojo farm discussion for a minute, I just have to ask… Why in the hell does Valhalla look less like a Nordic feast hall than, say, the average McDonald’s?

    Reply

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